I posted the following on Ravelry, so sorry if I’m being lazy by just copying it over here!
B and I needed to sit down and write a list of our assets and debts so we can start the divorce process (no, I havenāt even filed yet. Sucks to be me). HE asked ME if we could get this done last weekend, then blew me off said weekend. I asked him on Monday when we were going to re-schedule, and he said he didnāt know, as he was really busy with school this week, and has midterms next week.
So, instead of sitting around waiting for him, I went ahead and made a list of who gets what. I had three columns: L, ?, B. I also had a page where I listed all the stuff Iām going to sell, and a page of debts.
On the debts page, I also listed the money Iām entitled to from him. Granted, it comes out to a nice amount of $$ that heād pretty much need to sell body parts on Ebay to get, but I figured Iād throw a number out there and see what he said.
I was working downstairs today boxing stuff up, and he was upstairs avoiding me per usual, and he mustāve seen the list sitting out. In reference to the money, he wrote:
I have no idea here I am supposed to get this from. You leave the relationship with much more than you came into it with, while I get the house and more than twice as much debt as I had when we met. I also have to come up with an amount of money equal to half a yearās pay for me. The only way this can happen is for me to sell the house and/or file for bankruptcy. Do you hate me this much? I gave you all that I could, including my own identity (my āselfā). I never wanted to hurt you, Iām sorry you feel this way. I never hit you, treated you badly, talked down to you, or intentionally hurt your feelings. All I wanted was to find myself again and to seek the one thing that I want more than anything. It didnāt work out between us, and for that I will always feel regret because I still truly love you. If you feel that I owe you so much, I obviously didnāt give you enough in our relationship and I failed you in that respect, too. I did the best that I could.
This guy is delusional. I laughed as I read this, because it is full of lies. He wants me to feel like itās my fault. I never really acknowledged the email he sent me last month except to tell him I went to a lawyer. He then told me that I was moving forward with a divorce when he āhadnāt even really decided what he wanted to do yetā. I listed off the things he did that made it perfectly clear he HAD decided the marriage was over.
He has said that the 401K money he didnāt care about, since they could just roll it out of his account and into an account for me. Itās the home equity money he is pissing over. He thinks Iām padding the number by $10,000, because he insists the $10,000 he used as a down payment doesnāt count in the value of the house!
I made a list of other things I thought I should get additional money for, which he made little comments about (in italics)ā¦.
waive maintenance -thank you
health insurance -understandable
pain and suffering -really?
moving costs -not a problem
For those items I added about $5000. Which is really fucking reasonable.
—————————————————————————————————————————————
He put the papers back where he found them, and didn’t say a word about it to me before he left for work. He didn’t give me a dollar amount that he thought was “acceptable”, probably because he knows I’d laugh in his face. I need to root around and get copies of all our paperwork together, and then call the lawyer to see what my next step is.
Namaste
Read Full Post »
